Thai-isms

Today was a day of laughter. Here's a few highlights...

Me: "How are you?"
Student: "I am teacher." He meant "I am good," but all those English words got jumbled in his head.

After burning the remainder of the rice plants, Lay announced, "I like to fire." He meant "I like burning things," or "I like fire," or "I'm a pyromaniac." Fire should totally be a verb, though.

Doe doesn't like his skin or eye color and always talks about switching with me. "If you want to change eyes, you have to see a doctor in the mosquito." Not sure how hospital turned into mosquito...

Me: "How many people are in Thailand?"
Doe: "I think sixty million thousand."

After a very successful class, Kang told me, "I think if you stay in Thailand, you make money a lot." I believe he intended to complement my teaching, saying that I could make a lucrative career out of teaching here.

Just now I was telling Doe about the miscommunication that often occurs when Lay, running trips for American teens, rounds the kids up to make cement. "Cement" with the Thai accent sounds more like "semen" than "cement," and the Americans are never quite sure how to respond. Doe asked what semen is; I told him to ask Lay. Lay snickered, "show him." I declined the offer, and when Lay finally gave in, the blushing Doe worked with me for the next ten minutes on the correct pronunciation of "cement."

Today I walked to the classroom next door to borrow scissors. I found the students sitting quietly as the teacher snoozed on her desk. Literally. She was assed out, head resting on arm. I found my scissors and left, laughing until I cried. In America, if a teacher fell asleep in class, she...well, she wouldn't be a teacher anymore.